Mastering Mentoring and Coaching with Emotional Intelligence

Increase your JobEQ

By: Patrick E Merlevede , Denis Bridoux


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Size: 234mm x 187mm
Pages : 248
ISBN : 9781904424086
Format: Paperback
Published: January 2004

The material included in this book has emerged over several years of mentoring, coaching and training. Following a qualitative survey, the authors identified the key components of both mentoring and coaching and the need to clarify the similarities and differences between them.

The book updates the area of mentoring and coaching with emotional intelligence and includes:

  • Coaching and mentoring questionnaires to assess skill level
  • Powerful techniques for short-term and long-term interventions
  • Practical tips and exercises
  • Strategies suitable for both mentor and coach

Picture for author Patrick E Merlevede

Patrick E Merlevede

Patrick Merlevede is an internationally recognised specialist in the areas of talent management and emotional intelligence. Based on his own experience in these fields, he founded, a cloud based service providing tools for assessing work attitude & motivation, values & organizational cultures and competencies. At the time of writing, jobEQ's tools were available in 18 languages and were being used by consultants, trainers and coaches in over 30 countries.

As trainer, modeller and author he was the first to make the link between Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and emotional intelligence. The result of the integration of these 2 fields has been written down in 7 Steps to Emotional Intelligence (2001).

Mastering Mentoring & Coaching with Emotional Intelligence (2004) focuses on upgrading mentoring and coaching approaches with concepts from NLP, emotional intelligence as well as the tools developed by jobEQ.

More recently he contributed a chapter to Innovations in NLP for Challenging Times (2011), outlining jobEQ's framework.

In 2014 he wrote Talent Management: A Focus on Excellence - Managing Human Resources in a Knowledge Economy. This book is based on the experience of jobEQ's customers, covering applications such as recruiting & assessment, training & coaching, team building & leadership and changing organizational cultures (see

Patrick continues to consult organizations in these areas, and coaches an international network of consultants and trainers who use the jobEQ principles and tools. He can be contacted through

For more information, see the professional profile on LinkedIn.

Picture for author Denis Bridoux

Denis Bridoux

Denis Bridoux runs NLP and Neuro-semantics courses with applications to coaching and mentoring in France and the UK. He practices life and executive coaching.


  1. The introduction to this practice-oriented book includes an interesting take on the differences between being a trainer, a counsel[or], a coach, a short-term mentor, or a long-term mentor. For instance, a coach focuses on a person's competence with respect to a task whereas a mentor focuses on the person directly (and a short-term mentor focuses on beliefs and values whereas a long-term mentor focuses on identity and mission). Part 1 gives further background; part 2 deals with the mentoring and coaching processes; Part 3 most notably encourages readers to think about what they're already good at; and Parts 4 and 5 detail, respectively, short- and long-term mentoring skills. There follow a conclusion, a -˜coaching and mentoring treasure chest', and both annotated and unannotated bibliographies. The -˜treasure chest' is a miscellany of materials planned for posting on the website for the book.
  2. -˜Mastering Mentoring and Coaching' tackles distinctions the authors make between counsellor, trainer, coach and mentoring in their introduction. It is a book about how to communicate expert knowledge, experience and skills to others. It arises from Merlevede and Bridoux's (2001) interest and application of Emotional Intelligence to mentoring and coaching in business settings. As Hall L.M. comments in the Preface:

    -˜The mentoring relationship described here is one that arises from the emotional intelligence of self-awareness, self-management, and a caring ability and willingness to invest oneself in others. Here they make explicit a wide-range of critical facets of the mentoring process'

    A real strength of the book for readers of this Journal is that it invites the reader to participate in a mentoring process from the authors for readers, by the searching questions they pose, the processes, and patterns given, and the discussion of attributes and mentoring skills. The reviewer found himself drawn into the text, to reflect about the extent to which he has the necessary mind-set for effective coaching and mentoring. The interactive nature of chapters refreshed his frame of mind, prompting application of the chapters to his educational settings (e.g. The historical development of coaching and mentoring in Part 1; organizing the processes in part 2; short-term and long term mentoring skills in Parts 4 and 5).

    How might we evaluate this text? A minor quibble is that readers might need an index which has been omitted. The reviewer would have liked more explicit and detailed explication of how Daniel Goleman's work on emotional intelligence relates to mentoring and coaching. However the authors have generously made available rich seams from their experience, reading, and consultancy for us to mine and to employ relevant insights and skills in our professional settings whether we are novice, experienced or expert mentors. It is a book that the reviewer will return to frequently.

  3. For anyone who has ever wondered if mentoring and coaching are the same, they only have to read one paragraph of this book to know the answer.

    The core difference, as defined by the book's authors, is that coaching is a facilitative, non-directive process while mentoring also involves the revealing of persona[ expertise.

    If the fact that many famous people who have significantly contributed to the world have had the benefit of a mentor is to be believed, then this book is a must for the aspiring coach and their clients to make use of.

    One key difference though that this book has over others on the same subject is the Link to how using and harnessing a person's emotional intelligence (EI) can be the deciding factor in whether mentoring and coaching is successful. The two subjects have been blended well with a minor downside being the hard sell of the authors' own website which readers are frequently directed to throughout the text.

    A number of little gems appear in the work such as the idea of 720' feedback. A new one on me I must say but according to the authors, both of whom are practicing coaches, it is a I commonly used term in the HR world'. If anyone is interested, the term refers to the re-testing of people who have already undergone a 320' assessment - now you know!

    It occurs to me that one possible use for this book which appears to have been missed out on until now is that of a selfhelp aid. For those informed individuals who realise that their El is not switched to 'on' mode, by focusing on certain chapters of the book they may just find a little help, in amongst the numerous hints and tips resplendent on almost every page. These can become a Little tiresome because of the sheer number of them but in general they are easily digestible with some touching that raw nerve we all have experienced when we read something and immediately personalise it.

    While the authors opt for a distinctive academic feel to the text which is no real surprise with the inclusion of the evocative subject of El, they also manage to illustrate their points with numerous practical examples. There are a number of models referred to such as the COMET one and no, it isn't referring to where you can buy your electrical goods. Even if readers are not familiar with some of these models they will make sense even after a cursory read. Context, outcome, method, effect and task are the underpinning principles to the COMET model in case you were wondering.

    A strong setting point for the book is its gift of including a number of self -assessments which helps the reader gain from their own experiences. The importance of self-awareness in an effective coach or mentor is reinforced none too subtly but to good effect by ensuring the mentor or coach understands themselves to some extent before being let loose on others. This approach, while respecting the reader's learning process, underpins the philosophy of best practice in mentoring and coaching and is to be applauded.

    The above said the text can, at times, be a Little overwhelming especially for those readers who may not have been exposed to the art of mentoring or coaching to any great degree. This is especially pertinent given some of the intended audience, who by the authors' own words, are described as those starting out in the subject'.

    The authors could, at times, possibly have forsaken length for simplicity as the changing nature and complexity of subject matter is a Little bit of a turn-off. Do you know what the 'metaoctant consequence evaluation system" is a[[ about, because I am still not too clear having actually read the subject more than once.

    That said though, taken in bite-sized chunks the reader will find the book's riches fairly easily. The authors say they have spent many years researching the subject and reading other books and materials and it shows. It is packed with useful information for anyone who is interested in coaching or mentoring whether it be, the client or the teacher.
  4. This book is practical in stance and loosely organized - largely a compendium of tips, it's orientation towards the world of business is not extreme and should not reduce its potential usefulness to language teacher trainers. The body of the book breaks down as follows: In Chapter 1, mentoring and coaching are compared . . Chapter 2, “Organizing the mentoring and coaching processes”, offers, for instance, seven key steps in mentoring: “(a) Choosing a protege, (b) connecting, (c) outlining the relationship, (d) getting to the bottom of it, (e) concrete actions, (f) following up, and (g) get out of the way , . Chapter 3, “Taking stock and moving ahead”, includes advice about managing expectations. Chapters 4 and 5 are, respectively, on short- and long-term mentoring skills. After the rather insubstantial conclusion (2pp.) comes a 41 page -˜Treasure chest', a diverse presentation of constructs and procedures (e.g., framing skills and meta-SWOT analysis) and other tidbits for the trainer. This appendix is billed (p. 173) as “just a glimpse of additional information we will be presenting on the website in future” ( Among many other things, it includes interesting speculations about the etymology of coach including the thought that it is related to coax and cox (of a rowing team).
  5. Both these writers are men of great authority in their field. They show the reader how a strong man holds together subordinate people. Equally, this book also reflects how strong leaders can work with -˜equal able helpers'.

    The writers are modest, unselfish and kind and it comes over in the material. They express themselves in a graceful and controlled way. The book truly shows you how to combine your inner strengths in a modest way to accumulate inner personal treasures for both you and your client.

    Take the book in small parts and you will then find its riches. It really is a great book to help people reconnect to who you really are and it helps one to develop without force, but through sincerity. Making ones truth accessible with some familiarity.
  6. Contains practical, easily applicable, tools. Essential reading for those who wish to acquire (or just improve) their mindset as a good coach and/or mentor.

    This book is aimed at readers who want to develop and enrich their lives through improved communication, knowledge and skills. As the title suggests, the focus is on how best to use the mentoring process to achieve this enhanced state of learning -and it makes it clear that attitudes are fundamental to this self-improvement.

    The authors set out to produce a book that offers more than an explanation and description of mentoring. Their challenge was to provided the reader with the tools to establish the emotional environment in which a mentoring relationship would flourish. They have achieved this, and their wealth of expertise and experience in the field of mentoring shines through.

    The book covers short-term relationships between the mentor and "protege' as well as dealing with longer-term mentoring situations. The authors go into great depth, introducing some complex issues like meta-programmes, and exploring motivational issues and the behaviours that allow or obstruct the improvements in learning.

    More familiar models like the 'Johari Window' are used to help develop the notion that self analysis and self awareness are key to becoming an effective mentor or protege. There is an interesting look at behavioural observation, and a useful self-assessment tool is provided for indicating what existing strengths the reader (and potential mentor) may already exhibit. This book certainly stands out from the crowd, largely because it offers practical help to anyone wanting to understand effective mentoring. It is a highly effective book that I would recommend to anyone involved in a mentoring relationship.
  8. The front cover of this book has a quote “” the best book I've read on the subject ...' and I have to agree. The authors say they have spent many years researching their subject and reading other books and materials, and it shows. It is packed with information for anyone who is interested in coaching or being coached.

    The book has an introduction, five parts and a treasure chest for mentors and coaches. The introduction has useful definitions and distinctions between the roles of trainer, coach and mentor. Even at this early stage in the book it encourages the reader to start action planning and reflecting. This practical approach sets the scene for the whole of the book. The introduction also considers attitude and how to be a mentor and coach before describing the skills required. The authors see attitude as a prerequisite to being an effective mentor, and I have to agree.

    Part one places coaching and mentoring in context by taking us on a brief history lesson and describes the story of the counsels of Athene as an interesting analogy for where the definition of mentor originated. Parts two to five take us through a mentoring process, contracting, a mentoring competency self-assessment and a range of short- and long-term mentoring skills. The authors define short-term mentoring as formal with a specific goal and long-term mentoring as something that happens outside work with a focus on evolution of career and identity.

    I particularly liked the section on presuppositions which focuses on the unconscious mind as a tool for learning and builds on what the authors call the “rational techniques' presented in other parts of the book. There is also a great section dealing with various aspects of emotion and how the mentor might deal with this aspect of the mentoring relationship. This is an area little explored in some of the other books I have read on coaching and mentoring. The broader debate about trends at work and research into management practices used to inform working habits are also highlighted as a way to encourage the reader to think about the implications of these broader issues on mentoring relationships.

    The margins of the pages include a host of inspirational quotations from gurus to chief executives along with many references to other useful publications. The authors frequently mention their own website,, where some of the exercises in the book can be carried out online. I personally found the website less than easy to navigate and fairly academic.

    The book copies the mentoring process and in this sense practices what it preaches. As I worked through the book I had a sense of the layering of learning leading to deeper insight and awareness of what a mentoring relationship should be.The one disappointment for me personally was the treasure chest which lost some of the practicality and slipped into more of the arena of academia. That said, it is a book I will dip into time and time again.


    • Innovative 2 Star

    • Content 4 Star

    • Clarity 4 Star

    • Overall recommendation 5 Star

    • Value for money 5 Star

  9. This book is rich in Neuro-Linguistic Programming tools and combined usefully with appreciations of Emotional Intelligence - this will help numerous budding mentors who have NLP experience. It is generously written having many helpful and useful ideas taken from a wealth of sources including some of their own. A reader with some appreciation of NLP-speak will find the text an easier read than a novice in NLP for whom the ideas may come off the page much too fast.

    A great gift of Mastering Mentoring is the inclusion of many self-assessments that help the reader to learn through their own experience, to increase their own perception and to mentor themselves before letting themselves loose on unsuspecting colleagues. This approach, respecting the reader's learning process, underpins the philosophy of best practice in mentoring (and coaching) and is to be congratulated.

    The book is structured around process, opening with about twenty pages of advice on how mentoring can be applied within an organisation and some key advice about how internal mentoring can be structured. Then the authors concentrate on core skills (which they call 'short-term skills') in the following forty pages. After this follows about sixty pages offering more tools and models and exposing the reader to personal enquiry that deepens awareness of motivation, personality and values. These tools look to widen perceptions about the meaning of behaviour, how we interact and perceive our relationships, for example. There is also a 'treasure chest' of further tools and techniques in a variety of depth, and many pointers to other resources.

    This is a book to read and then re-read as some key messages may be easily passed over by managers not having the depth of experience and understanding about mentoring compared to that of the authors. It is not really a reference book and would anyway suffer from lack of an index. There is though, much wisdom that may be missed for lack of emphasis or repetition in the text on first reading. For example, the authors usefully state that, "reflect back cleanly too, using the same language and words as your protege' but this key advice is almost lost in a page of grey packed with other information. Reflective language is a key skill of both coaching and mentoring best practice as it puts less of the mentor's view of the world into the session and allows the mentee (or protege) to feel understood and be able to move forward without the hiccups that occur when mentors use competing language.

    Another bit of wisdom that is not adequately stressed for the novice is this:
    "If a mentor helps too much, they do their protege a disservice, because the protege may end up relying on their mentor, or even become a kind of extension of the mentor, instead of growing to fulfil their own potential'.

    Here is the core of the difference between mentoring and coaching as understood by thousands of 'graduate' coaches: that is, that executive coaching is a facilitation process (non-directive) whereas executive mentoring also involves the revealing of personal expertise. Michael Hall, in the book's preface, actually underpins this view of mentoring, "mentoring is all about passing on one's expert knowledge and experience'. Historically that is certainly the case but I sense that the authors, like me, now feel that the best mentoring is less intrusive and directive.

    The authors, however, set out their stall without making such distinctions between mentoring and coaching. Instead and unusually, they prefer to define coaching as a short-term engagement dealing with today's issues and targets (what and how questions) and mentoring being defined as a longer-term engagement (why and who questions). None of my numerous professional coaching colleagues would make a distinction like that as they normally work on assignments that invariably last a minimum of six months and often many more.

    Aside from that, this is a really good resource book for tools that can be used by both mentor and (non-directive) coach. Usefully, the authors underline the considerable caution necessary when a mentor delivers their own ideas and experience. They illustrate this by including advice on metaphor and examples of less directive language than most practising mentors are presently skilled at using - in that, these examples are a significant gift to mentoring.

    The authors take the unusual step of using the word protege to describe the mentee. I dislike the word mentee simply because it is a diminutive of mentor and am not sure about the word protege either. Possibly the word protege will catch on but since there is still some remaining confusion about terminology (about coaching and mentoring) in organisations, there is no harm in finding a better word than mentee -perhaps their offering of protege is the one!

    I would have liked to see more of the key messages underpinned by actual examples of mentoring (and the language used) to provide practical ideas of how the tools are used. These are limited in the current edition and I feel the book's appeal and audience would both be broadened by the addition of many more examples from the author's experience and knowledge. With the caveats above, this generous contribution to mentoring is a welcome addition to my library.
  10. This is a thorough, in-depth examination of the world of Mentoring and Coaching from Merlevede and Bridoux - recognised experts in the fields of Emotional Intelligence. The book is thoughtfully written, beautifully laid out, and exceeded my high expectations. A readable blend of academic quality and light touches, you can read it cover to cover, or reward yourself by keeping it to hand and dipping in. I loved the quotes and stories as well as the highlighted -˜action bits'. Buy it.
  11. An excellent book that is capable of inspiring and motivating. Mentoring and coaching at its “simplest” best.
  12. Although this book is a complete stand alone very well written and comprehensive book for all Mentors and Coaches I think that it would work very well along side those of Curly Martin and Angus McLeod, having had the pleasure of reading and using them all I have been inspired by all.

    This book would sit very nicely on the book shelf of Coaches, Mentors and Counsellors alike with each one being able to find many different ways of being inspired. I will have this on my book list and suggest it to many of my friends and colleagues.
  13. Contains practical, easily applicable, tools. Essential reading for those who wish to acquire (or just improve) their mindset as a good coach and/or mentor.
  14. This book tackles the distinctions between trainer, coach and mentor with the clarity which demonstrates the deep understanding of the authors for each of the individual roles. A must have book for mentors.

    The book has clear and easy to follow models which have been overlaid on several corporate mentor/protege examples, thus the reader can select the most suitable model for his/her situation. A impressive demonstration of the clarity which pervades the book is in the example of the safety-net metaphor.
  15. For mentors, coaches, clients, and HR people alike, this how-to book teaches you the ancient art of mentoring. Contains very practical, clearly presented and easily applied tools. A must read if you want to acquire the mindset that will enable you to be a good coach and/or mentor in the widest possible circumstances and contexts.
  16. An excellent book, well laid out and easy to access. I like the thought provoking quotes, tips and discussion topics in the margins. I will definitely put this book on my reading list.
  17. Every leader and aspiring leader can benefit from this excellent book. For the mentors and coaches ” brilliant, your protegees will appreciate the knowledge gained.
  18. A well-researched compendium of processes and questions, through which coaches and mentors can take their clients and proteges.
  19. Many developers of processes promoting the growth of personal and professional excellence are combining the wisdom behind ancient practices in this area with the latest developments in human change technologies. From the authors of 7 Steps to Emotional Intelligence comes such a project. After extensive research, Merlevede and Bridoux have put together a very useful text outlining the essential ingredients of effective mentoring and coaching.

    The authors model what they are writing about by coaching their readers through five parts of a very systematic and readable text. After noting the ancient roots of the practice of mentoring, Part 1 presents a description of the core values on which mentoring is built. For those asking the question “Why mentoring?”, Part 2 is an excellent convincer. Part 3 provides would-be mentors with a power pack for firing up their business: how to determine whether or not they are ready to launch themselves into the profession, how to successfully access client and employer feedback, several reality checks to moderate personal and professional expectations, tools for assessing current strengths, and a set of core beliefs that will inform and energise the mentoring process. Parts 4 and 5 describe the effective use of core skills necessary for promoting excellence in others. The authors make a distinction between short term and long term mentoring, and explore developmental issues for both mentors and proteges.

    Those with a background or training in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Neuro-Semantics will warm to this book. It could be described as applied NLP as it provides a way of integrating the use of values elicitations, perceptual positions, metaprogrammes, well-formed outcome setting, logical levels, mission alignment, strategy identification, elimination of limiting beliefs, resolution of values conflicts, and futurepacing into the art of mentoring.

    Perhaps the most exciting feature of this book is its recognition of the spiritual dimension in mentoring. The authors suggest that the combination of informational intelligence (IQ) and emotional intelligence (EQ) in the service of promoting personal and professional performance will reach its most potent when proteges are able to utilise spiritual intelligence (SQ). This aspect is not well developed in the book. However, the authors may be signalling that the next exciting stage in human excellence is a heightened awareness of our connectedness and sacredness as individuals, as organisations, and as a planetary community.

    Authors, editors and the publisher can be proud of the way this book has been formatted. Effective use has been made of the ancient art of the gloss. Readers will find in the margins of the text, an abundance of notable quotes, stories, asides, resources, after-thoughts, summaries, tips, diagrams and web references. This is a book for the modern reader. It sets out to create links between the printed text and web-based information. It is a visually interesting text as well. A minimalist approach to in-text referencing makes the text easy on the eye. There are numerous footnotes, and key passages or exercises appear in shaded boxes. Summaries and clear diagrams are used to condense and illustrate. The book does not have an index. However, a fascinating appendix, “Mentoring and Coaching Treasure Chest”, contains additional information, activities, tools, self-assessments and alternative frames for viewing the practice of mentoring. Besides an extensive bibliography, the authors also provide an annotated bibliography of their hot favourites for mentors and coaches to read.

    Mastering Mentoring and Coaching with Emotional Intelligence seems to be designed particularly for mentors working in corporate, managerial and organisational settings. However, this book is also a rich resource for counsellors working from a constructivist approach, supervisors, NLP consultants and trainers. The combination of traditional mentoring practice and the latest advances in human development methodology put this text at the leading edge of mentoring literature.
  20. Whether you're a new coach/mentor or looking to raise your game this book will support you well. Not only does it cleverly reinvigorate existing coaching and mentoring practise, it also flags up areas of critical importance for individuals and businesses for the coming decade. It lucidly ties together the benefits of performance, work-life balance and vision and mission alignment for organisations and individuals. It reaches into a zone outside the current thinking of many organisations. The final chapter, “The mentoring and coaching treasure chest is just that”; a rich source of ideas to move your coaching and mentoring to higher levels.

    The authors really have clarified the complexities and brought to the fore, the subtleties of mentoring and coaching. Not many books capture the cerebral, the emotional and the practical of coaching and mentoring. This one does admirably. Merlevede and Bridoux have managed to dot the “i's” and cross the “t's” and still given us the bigger picture on improving performance and improving lives.

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